A quick laugh for 5 mins

A quick laugh for 5 mins
Teacher
: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student
: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher
: Why?
Student
: There is no future in it.
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Teacher
: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted
: $10.
Teacher
: You don't know maths.
Ted
: You don't know my father!
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Mother
: David, come here.
David
: Yes, mum?
Mother
: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David
: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother
: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
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Father
: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son
: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father
: So?
Son
: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I
know the right answer?
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A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
breaking plates,
then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter
: It's mummy!
Father
: How do you know?
Daughter
: She didn't say anything.
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Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

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Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

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Teacher
: Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon
: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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Father
: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son
: That's why I say she's no good!

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Teacher: 'Where were u born?'
Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'
Teacher: 'Which part?'
Student: 'All of me, Sir.'
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A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?' Only one hand shot up. 'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.
''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is
a sick eagle.'

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Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Tommy: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Tommy: 'No hair, Sir.'

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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?'
'They are all below 'C' (sea) level'